“good morning darling” i said to the kicking and jumping lump in my belly. rolling off the couch was easier than rolling out of bed this morning. but it doesn’t take much for me to forget that i’m pregnant (don’t ask how). the seemingly long walk to the bathroom had me thinking “boy – i must have ate something bad last night. those cramps won’t go away.” and then one glance in the mirror reminded me that “those cramps” have nothing to do with dinner. i am 37 weeks pregnant.

yesterday a lady at church came up to me with a message. sent from heaven? probably not, but i listened just the same. *insert southern accent here* “you’re goin’ to have that baby before midnight tonight.”

i smiled, thinking to myself, no – i’m not. you’re just saying that because you’re thinking how could this girl possibly go another 3 weeks (or more) looking like she does?

“oh yeah? … you think?” i said in return.

“yep – you jest have that glow.” oh that glow? you mean the i just sang at 3 different services this morning and i’m exhausted glow?

well, 37 weeks finds me not quite as pleasant as i would’ve hoped. my thoughts come spilling out of my mouth before i have a chance to filter them. too many moments where i’ve thought — did i really just say that outloud?

i try using my husband as a filter … oh the things i’ve whispered to him… like when we’re about to meet new people. scenario: from far off i can tell she’s the perky, happy wife. she’s a tall, slender size 2 and she just thinks everything in God’s great kingdom is a beautiful miracle. i spot her heading our way and turn to my husband — “i am really not up for this anymore.”

“up for what?” he asks.

“meeting new people. meeting them. i really don’t care right now.” and turn. she’s there grinning from ear to ear. i force a smile and begin to answer the barrage of questions about pregnancy, planning for children, how they’re going to “wait” (a whole other unfiltered thought process almost falls out of my mouth, if it wasn’t for my husband squeezing my hand reminding me to hold my tongue), etc, etc, etc.

i am putting myself on house arrest. i have determined that i am mentally unsound to mix and mingle with regular society. the longer i am allowed to interact with others, the less likely it is that i will have any friends left at the end of this road. and i need friends….

and all these thoughts hit me on my drive into work. it’s only monday and i have sympathy for my coworkers who happened to cross my path at the wrong moment. i just pray that they are either women who remember their pregnancy, or men who remember their wives when pregnant. in either case, maybe i’ll still have a job by the end of this week.